Loving Your Body When You Have a Chronic Illness (Part 2)

I’ve noticed something though-

The part of loving my body that’s been the hardest? It hasn’t been being okay with the shape of my body, or the acne, or that I’m sweaty or hairy.

The hardest part has been believing in myself- ignoring the imposter syndrome and everything else going on inside my mind.

But as I’ve been working on loving my body- I’ve noticed something else-

It’s the little voice that goes- but my body doesn’t completely love me. How can I love something that doesn’t work?



My pancreas doesn’t produce insulin. My thyroid is out of whack. Sometimes I can’t breathe. I’m allergic to things all around me. One of my own worst enemies is my mind. There’s basically a war zone going on in my uterus and ovaries. My jaw isn’t even how it should be. I can’t process lactose. My eyes have never worked at 100%

I have an inhaler so I can breathe. I take allergy meds so I can enjoy the world around me. I take medications and have learned techniques for my ADHD, anxiety, and OCD. I rarely even think about my underbite. I can wear glasses and contacts to see. Lactaid lets me enjoy dairy (especially cheese). Those things are pretty much in the back of my mind. 

I have insulin and things to take care of my type 1 diabetes- but it isn’t an easy a+b=c or routine. What usually works might not always work. No matter how much you try, results will be different- and it can’t be out of sight, out of mind constantly (although there are brief wonderful moments.) I have devices and marks that leave reminders that something is “wrong” with my body.


For over 10 years, I had a nasty reminder with my period that things were not okay there. It was a battle to get on birth control, but even then birth control does “just enough.” So I have the reminders, like the acne and all of the hair- even though I don’t have a period anymore. I still have those reminders.

I’m still trying to figure out my thyroid (well so are my doctors).

So how can I love something that really does feel like it doesn’t love me back? or even like me that much?

How can I love something that has physical reminders of what’s not working?

I do have this question floating around in my head a lot.

They tell you to love your body- and there are a lot of great resources and outspoken role models to help with this- but there isn’t as much of a how to guide on how to love your body when it’s what I call “a big ball of fun.”

It’s easier said than done.

Most of the time, I focus on other aspects of my body to love and appreciate.

Luckily, I specifically have people in my life I’ve been able to look up to- to know it’s possible. 

But I do get angry at my body- why can’t you do what you should do? 

But I am much more confident than I used to be- moving out of the south definitely helped- I see way more body types and expressions in a city in New England than I did down south in a small town. Diabetes isn’t as much of a problem with dating here, and I feel less judgement about the fact that I don’t want (and most likely can’t have) kids. 

But again- how do I love this thing that doesn’t completely work? To be completely honesty, I’m still trying to figure that out. 

I do attempt things to combat the marks left behind by diabetes- because it’s about how I feel. I feel better when my skin is smooth and healing where a site used to be- instead of bumpy or peeling. As a kid, I got VERY self-conscious about the marks left behind on my fingers from checking my blood sugar- I used to do hot waxes for my hands often.

Like I said, I try to focus on other aspects of my body- even the “superficial ones”- especially since my confidence has improved.

Often, I care less about how much effort I put in- I’m driven by my “lazy-ness” and how much more sleep I can get. Sometimes, I do put some effort in- and can feel what all the hubbub is about- but it feels like “I’m treating myself.”

I’ve now tried to focus on the marvel of what my body still manages to do even with everything that is “wrong” with it. Even though I’m technically “sick.”

My uterus is inside out and my ovaries are covered in cysts. But now, I don’t have to be painfully and debilitatingly reminded of that each month.

Sure my body doesn’t produce hormones correctly or things like that .

The idea of eating shellfish still lingers, but my tastebuds say no to protect me from that allergy. 

My body doesn’t produce any insulin- but it sure can wade its way through a lot of shit. It can bounce back after a high or low BG (or a BG rollercoaster). 

I can run half-marathons (because I enjoy them and like training for them because it means more craft beer). 

I can walk myself about 2 miles one way to work each day. 

I can show my story and experiences and lessons with the ink on my skin.

It can heal. 

It can still do so much- 

It is easier said than done, of course.

and you know what else? Love isn’t 100% easy or black and white all the time- it can be a little grey- and sometimes not the easiest thing in the world. It’s also a journey. That’s what I really remind myself of. How you love other people applies to your own body right?

But you can get angry at the people you love too- it doesn’t mean you don’t love them.

and loving my body, loving myself- inside and out- is a journey. and I am SO very much different than I was 8 or so years ago- and even a year ago- but especially 8 years ago- I’m not the full of self-doubt, let people treat me poorly, with no self-esteem, and not loving herself, timid girl I was.

I’ve still got some work to do- but it’s always nice to appreciate how far I’ve come.


Post 2 of 2. Check out the first post!

Loving Your Body When You Have Chronic Illness (es) (Part 1)

I won’t lie and say that I have been body positive my entire life- well specifically- I haven’t had the best self-esteem most of my life- which was more about things besides outer appearances. Self-doubt followed me everywhere and always. (definitely something I do not miss about the preteen and teen years). This is also something, I very much so, and usually, keep to myself. I’ve improved a lot over the years, especially when I focused on it in college. I’ve worked really hard on things. I’m not saying that I have completely moved past that.

But there are things I might say that show how different I am-

  • I’m not a machine that deconstructs compliments and make them something unrecognizable and so different- that it’s now negative- and then immediately spit them out. Sometimes the machine still goes, but I’ve gotten much better at not spitting out the result. I can even reverse the machine sometimes and appreciate and believe in what someone tells me. I’ve even gotten better at understanding why they might have given me that compliment.
  • I can (sometimes) firmly state my worth and stand up for myself and acknowledge my strengths and accomplishment- usually this is quietly and too myself- and sometimes timid and shaky- and unsure.
  • I feel a lot more confident about what’s on the inside and what’s on the outside.
  • I don’t feel as self-conscious all of the time.
  • I now love my body (and am working on the inside still) more than  I can ever remember- for example- I would have never posted this photo- even a year ago (let alone 4 or 6 or 10 years ago).


Making changes is complex and ebbs and flow with time and what’s going on in your life. Like a quote from Luke Cage (yes, I binged the first season in one weekend). “Sometimes backward to move forward, always.” (Instead of the never backwards always forwards- that’s hard!)

I have however made substantial changes with my self-esteem and confidence and things associated with it. The hardest part wash’t really about my physical appearance, but everything on the inside.

I’m not saying that the doubt (usually tied to anxiety) doesn’t show its annoying antics every now and then.

When my body was in chaos with the new diagnoses this past summer– and my hair was getting dry and falling out- and my skin was dry and peeling and my body was developing acne everywhere (mostly the hair part bothered me- I’m all about my hair- always have and always will). —-It definitely poked at my confidence regarding my physical appearance. While having my period for over 6 weeks with all of that going on, I didn’t feel very attractive or confident.

I’m all about that body positive life. I hate the social standards that say how our bodies should look like and even how we care for them. Beauty standards really irk me. I appreciate the people paving the way for this. We are all so different. I’m even not a fan of BMI.  I also LOVE food. I don’t like cooking, but I love food.

I did have a moment when there was talk about correcting my underbite with surgery- and I saw before and after photos- the fact that teenage me went- but I won’t look like me. Makes me proud.

Weight has always been something that has been that dark cloud or nagging reminder for most of my life. (mostly the nagging reminder). Usually, it hasn’t been a main focus or concern. (There were a few years in later elementary school and then during bits of high school where it became so). But I got to college and changed my habits SUBSTANTIALLY.

Which in turn, drastically changed my insulin intake- but not my weight Over the course of freshmen and sophomore year- I continued trying to lose weight.

I also binge eat related to my emotions (which changed when I changed my habits- But I still had the compulsion to do so. But after graduating college and starting anxiety meds, it became something much quieter and with a very rare urge).

I had an endo pressuring me and beauty standards floating in my head. While even though there was a part of me saying screw this. Screw beauty standards. I was healthy. Working out and eating well.

After my first run in with diabetes burnout and thyroiditis- which the thyroid stuff gave me an aha moment- no wonder little had happened. I had reached a point where I had focused so hard for so long that I was like screw it. It’s too much of a stressful thing and disappointment- especially when I was doing the right things but little would happen. PLUS- I could tell my body had substantially changed- just not that little number on the scale.

Then my new endo (who I saw after the other not so great endo in GA), looked at the number for my weight, looked at me, looked at the number again, looked at my blood work, and looked at me again. She then said she’d be right back- She came back and measured the percentage of muscle mass in my body. After getting my results, she said- BMI is not your friend and doesn’t tell the whole story. She said, we’re going to ignore this. As long as your blood work is good, you continue taking care of your diabetes, and doing things in moderation- you should ignore BMI.

After that appointment, I definitely decided “screw it.” Just being healthy was my focus- not the weight.

Which- of course- easier said than done. There was still a part of me that wanted to lose weight. But I don’t ever see myself being “thin.” I see myself being happy and healthy about myself. It’s just not going to happen- I love food and craft beer too much. It’s just not who I am.

But the moment I stopped focusing on losing weight, the better it was for me- and instead of focusing on weight loss. I could focus on my self-esteem and confidence and trying to love my body. That’s when I started making more progress.

Then, after this PCOS diagnosis- I learned a lot of women carry weight around their midsection (which is where most of mine is). So I got to just like “whatever.”

But while I’ve been working to feel better about myself and love my body. The physical aspects have been the easiest- what’s on the inside- my mind has been much more difficult to work on.

I’ve noticed something though-

The part of loving my body that’s been the hardest? It hasn’t been being okay with the shape of my body, or the acne, or that I’m sweaty or hairy.

The hardest part has been believing in myself- ignoring the imposter syndrome and everything else going on inside my mind.

But as I’ve been working on loving my body- I’ve noticed something else-

It’s the little voice that goes- but my body doesn’t completely love me. How can I love something that doesn’t work?

Part 1 of 2.

Dating and Diabetes? Let the GIFs explain it all.

So- dating and diabetes-


I know, I know. This topic- been there done that.

I still haven’t decided how I feel about dating- in general- I don’t love it. I would like to make sure that I note this- I identify as a cisgender, straight, white,  female. 


I’ve definitely noticed two typical “thought camps” for different areas with dating and diabetes. Tell them right away or wayyyyy later. It really matters or eh not really. Diabetes hurts my dating life or doesn’t. But again- I firmly believe in the spectrum, and that you can change where you fall. Plus- is there really a right or wrong? 


For most of my dating life- it’s been guys in my life- friends, friends of friends, inner-circles, etc. Needless to say- I did avoid dating in college- eye on the prize- getting out of GA (and several other reasons). So then in general, there was getting back into the swing of things.



So for most of my dating life, exposing the diabetes was very much already done. It wasn’t a factor or a thing. Usually, they had a very decent baseline of knowledge concerning the diabetes. So I never really thought about it. 

One guy, I dated for a very long time (well long time for my age)- was in the “sweet spot of things” (hehe punny). He asked about it, looked into, was as understanding as he could be, didn’t talk about it too much, etc (well at the time for my high school/early college self).

He even went as far as looking into diabetes and pregnancy- andddddd que the very very pronounced tires scretching. It actually meant a lot that he looked into it.

But.. that was when it really hit me- I don’t think I want to have kids of my own- which I had been thinking about adoption- but at that moment- I started really thinking do I even want children? And marriage? Maybe A LONG WAY OFF, definitely not now- and is that something I’m interested in? I was still young- and recognized that I was young. I was still figuring things out. 


Needless to say- it wasn’t going to work out.

I’ve been fortunate enough to not have relationships end because of or related to my diabetes- I have however had quite a few relationships not even begin related to it. Usually there are factors- when it comes to not working out. 


However, since moving to Boston- my dating life has significantly changed. I’m still not in the mindset of being in a committed relationship. But I decided to start dating (and yes this includes online dating). I’m still trying to figure out my type. It has definitely been an adventure. And the diabetes part is very different now.


A lot of my inner-circle in Boston involves people in the diabetes sector- TBH- I’d rather avoid anyone who has and/or works in diabetes- I have it and work in it- but I’m sorry that’s WAY too much diabetes for me.


So that means I’m going on dates with guys who didn’t grow up with me or were in my inner-circle- which really means they don’t know about me and my diabetes. They very well might not even know I have diabetes or work in it. and who knows what their diabetes knowledge is. 

So my approach has changed- well the fact that diabetes is still my tool for weeding guys out hasn’t changed (which I know, I know- might be a little harsh).


But if he doesn’t care (in a negative way), doesn’t care to get it, etc. etc. (or is afraid of blood and/or needles)- it’s not going to work- and honestly- I’d rather not waste my time.

It’s like if he didn’t like cats and/or dogs- It’s not going to work. So how is diabetes any different?


Most of the time, they have no idea I have T1D until I whip something out– blood sugar meter, CGM, shot, insulin pen, etc. then I go- oh yeah, I have T1D. Sometimes it comes up in other ways- talking about college, jobs, etc.

If the date is going poorly, I don’t bother bringing it up.


Let’s be honest, it can be a little trying. Usually, it’s giving a mini lesson on diabetes during the date. I’d definitely rather not do that- especially if it’s not going well. 


I also know some people, who don’t bring it up until several dates in. Everyone is different and so is every situation.


It’s definitely been an interesting dating experience- even beyond the diabetes. I started thinking about some of the experiences- specifically diabetes related when it comes to dating (especially the first date). I immediately thought about GIFs and laughed to myself of course. So here are my reactions- (none of these images are mine). 


Honestly- the biggest deal breaker for me? When my date won’t stop talking about diabetes or asking questions- It’s mostly- the talking about diabetes not the questions. and if they don’t stop talking about it when I ask? It’s probably not going to work out. Like I’ve said- I have a lot of diabetes in my life- we don’t have to discuss EVERY diabetes topic at once. 


Oh my friend or a family member had/has it- This can go one of two ways.



Conspiracy theories, spewing myths, diabetes jokes, and advice- (and won’t back down or let me explain at all). 



Look of questioning-


Asks me if I can eat that- or my new favorite “will I break you?”-


So you’re like a robot, bionic woman, cyborg, etc? (my favorite!!)-


When they get offended or upset because I won’t listen to the conspiracy theories, “advice,” or comments. (Also when I’ve heard comments about not believing in feminism,  healthcare should have been left alone, homophobic/racist/sexist comments, etc)-



General poor reactions-



Asks me questions-




When I notice a test strip or lactaid wrapper-


Is my pump or CGM showing?


Wait, did I tell him I have diabetes yet?


the rare time his reaction to diabetes AND the date goes well-




And to be perfectly honest- diabetes falls behind on my list of “concerns” when it comes to dating. I’m more worried about the kids/marriage topic.

A lot of the time, dating is frustrating-



But it can be fun, a learning experience, etc. At least there’s a plus to diabetes when it comes to dating? Diabetes pick-up lines (FYI- I do not respond to cheesy/crude pick-up lines)



(P.S. I may or may not have had a LOT of fun with this post- and I’m grinning thinking “I’m hilarious.”)

But let’s be real- this is the “real me.”


Give Yourself Some Credit- It’s Okay to ‘Not be Okay’

It’s okay to not be okay.


Say it again.

It’s okay to not be okay.


Say it out loud-

I’m not okay. But it’s okay to not be okay.

Because how do you move forward… if you don’t even admit the truth?

It’s okay to not be okay.

Social norms say no- but it’s still okay to not be okay.

Let yourself not be okay because then you can pull yourself out of it.

Don’t apologize for it either.

Do what you can, now.

It’s okay to not be okay.

Because eventually, you’ll be okay. It most likely won’t be an instant light-bulb moment. Maybe that starts it, but it takes time. It takes time and effort to get back to “okay.”


It’s okay to not be okay- That’s something I’ve learned over the years.

If I’m not okay- and I don’t admit I’m not okay then I don’t face it. THEN it comes to get me later- but with the domino effect in full force.

I could see myself going the direction I typically go. The mindset of I don’t have time for it right now. The mindset of  “okay, so I got a new medicine. Which means everything will be back to my version of normal.” But that’s not how it works. When you’re sick for almost two months (and adjusting to new medications- a new birth control- but still waiting to figure out the thyroid), you don’t just get back to your normal in a blink of an eye. I also had to remind myself that I have amazing people in my life, and I cannot do my usual- which is shut them out. 

It started hitting after about a month of my period going on and endless doctor’s appointments. It continued even after I finally got somewhere. But I had to keep taking a moment and remind myself- it takes time.

BUT I’m impatient. Once things are finally moving, I expect to already be at my destination- for everything to be fixed and handled.
In terms of this summer and this adventure of PCOS, endometriosis, and thyroiditis. 

  • I was beating myself up about running- my first run back was a rough two miles, and I immediately thought- I just ran a half marathon– why are two miles difficult? I had to remind myself- I wasn’t supposed (and was too exhausted/sick to) work out.
  • I should have my life all sorted out again. So I had to keep telling myself- When you’ve been not yourself for a while- and when you get behind- it takes time to catch back up.
  • My blood sugars should be back to how they usually are- but my body is different and things are still getting squared away- plus I was burned out.
  • My body should be taking to this birth control and not having any delays- oh wait- hormones and such- that takes time.
  • I should be back to my usual habits- it takes time to get back into those as well.
  • Why are things different? This is something I always wrestle with. And forget about- Getting an official diagnosis of PCOS and endometriosis- with my thyroiditis still in full swing- means an aspect of a life change. So blood sugar management and mental health care will be different. What worked before may not work now. But it’s not just that- Things I might crave are different. My skin clears up then breaks out again- so I needed to switch my skin care routine. The times that I feel motivated to work out too have changed. Etc. etc. 

But I think this applies to a lot of different things- not just moments in my life.

When stuff happens, it does change you- maybe a tiny bit or maybe a lot. When something happens, it also takes time to come back from it too. So then I need to give myself some credit- which I’m not the best at- but I’ve made a lot of improvements. 


Give yourself some credit.

You got through this.

Give yourself some credit.

You paid attention to and listened to your body.

Give yourself some credit.

You didn’t back down.

Give yourself some credit.

You took it easy or paused things when you needed.

Give yourself some credit.

You kept functioning.

Give yourself some credit.

You asked for help.

Give yourself some credit.

You didn’t just settle.

Give yourself some credit.

You learned something from this.

Give yourself some credit.

You didn’t bottle it up (completely).

Give yourself some credit.

You found some me too’s.

Give yourself some credit.

You’ve come a long way.

Give yourself some credit.

It’s over.

Give yourself some credit

Because you admitted you weren’t okay.


Give yourself some credit especially if you remind yourself it’s okay to not be okay. 


(not my image)


We Meet Again Diabetes Burnout

I can feel it. I can see it whenI look at my CGM with indifference. I can tell when I just pick a random number to draw out on my insulin pen to give insulin. It lurks around the corner when my usual inclination to try and trouble-shoot is nonexistent.

It’s back. But this time is different. This time I’m admitting it.

Hello burnout.

I’m not sure if it’s full blown burnout or just the logistics and healthcare. Who knows at this point.

What should I or anyone else expect when you’ve had over 10 appointments in a little over two months plus your body isn’t cooperating with you at all.

How am I supposed to feel? What’s supposed to happen when you’re in a survival mode and just trying to get through the days? How do you figure things out when there are still unknowns?

All of those questions and knowing it also isn’t over yet.

I’m glad I already planned a pump vacation to change things up, and I was even device free for a week when I didn’t wear my CGM.

I was suppose to write a post about pump vacations- but I’m evening struggling to write about diabetes right now. I’m a tad over it.

I want it all to vanish- the diabetes, ADHD, OCD, anxiety, thryoid issues, PCOS, and endometriosis. At least for a little while. I’d like to feel back to my definition of normal.

My desire is to cancel every appointment and to do the minimum whenever possible. I’d rather not fight to get answers.  I’m tired. I’m over it. Fed up.

Yep. That sure sounds like burnout to me.

Now before anyone sends me articles about how to avoid or get out burnout, please don’t. That escalates to avoidance behavior for me. One thing I did learn several years ago is that I need to feel it. I need to feel the burnout and process it. I need to deal with my emotions. I need to let myself hate diabetes to the extreme.

I’ve noticed some trends. Burnout hits me when other things are going on- specifically health related. A health issue that interferes with my management. That makes it near to impossible to manage it like I prefer. When- no matter what I do- I can’t get diabetes to cooperate with me or my health.

This happened my junior year of college when thyroiditis hit and I was doing WAY TOO MUCH with no self-care. I learned a lot then. 

Here I am today, with three new diagnoses– PCOS, endometriosis, and something thyroid to be determined. All of which is taking over two months to sort out, and it’s not even finished yet.

It felt like the rest of my body was snickering as I was doing what I should- it turned around and said screw it. Let’s change everything again. Let’s give you no patterns. Let’s make it so that managing blood sugars is even more of a chore than normal.

So what happens when you are doing what you should and it doesn’t matter?

It gets annoying and tiring.

Of course- I have burnout along the spectrum every now and then- we all do- and when people say they have never had any kind of burnout… it’s very hard for me to believe.

But I hate diabetes- more than usual. I hate that it can be tied to other things like my thyroid or hormones. I hate how many appointments there are. I hate having to fight to figure things out.

I hate how it impacts my mental health.

I hate it. I hate burnout. I hate that other outside (or inside) factors can add havoc to your everyday management, and after a while- you just get tired of it. I hate that there are things I’m putting on hold (which I need to and recognize is fine to do). 

So much of my life is diabetes- and by choice. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I would however change “the crap” that comes with diabetes.

I’m so glad that I’m already in counseling- we switched the focus to my diabetes burnout and recent health issues for right now.

I’m so glad I have self-care in my life (and that I learned my lesson last time).

I’m so glad I have wonderful people in my life.

And I’m so glad that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel- and I can feel myself beginning to emerge ever so slowly from burnout. Who knows how long I’ve been here. I can often feel myself slipping into it, but I never know when it really hits, until I’m already deeply there.

But as I get my answers and things improve- and I process everything- and I let people in (and allow them to stay)  that will pull me out of diabetes burnout. Even as I write this post- I can feel myself process and practice self-care that is always helpful for me. 


Running a 1/2 Marathon with T1D (and other things)

So I did a thing- I ran a 1/2 marathon (well my second- but I really don’t count the first because that was just chaos and a crap show- full into my thyroiditis and exercise was painful- I was also not prepared).

This also needs a disclaimer- please remember I am NOT a medical professional. Please do not just make changes before talking with your Diabetes care team- I spent time working with them. I’m not saying what is or what is not right for you (because everyone is different and has different preferences). Different things work for different people. Please do not take this post as medical advice- I’m sharing my experiences based off of all of the questions I have gotten regarding my experience- Thanks!:)

13151819_10157001365530533_3609075675263777361_n (1)

At this point last fall- around October 2015- I had been trying to get to a disney race for over 4 years. Something had always come up- either my health or my financial situation. Now that I was out of college, I would be going to a Disney race. I get online, and the Disney World ones were already sold out- so I decided to look at the Disneyland Races- and there it was the Tinkerbell 1/2 Marathon- I thought why not- I looked up flight costs- basically the same as going to Florida to Boston- so I decided hello vacation!

A few questions and stubborn thoughts went through my head- what would it be like to properly train and run this unlike the first time? How do I not have to constantly eat because of the diabetes? Etc etc.


First the doctor reminded me, anyone running needs to refuel their body regardless if they have T1D or not- I hadn’t really thought about that.

Then I shared my dislike of glucose tablets and it being hard to chew during a run. He introduced me to Clif Shot Energy Gel- my new favorite low treatment for working out and for while I’m on the go.



I did research and such online, but friends and my healthcare team were a great resource to prepare!

I was on my way to get really started with my training a few months later. For my usual runs- I already do 3-5 miles so it would be moving from there.

I made sure to include yoga, proper stretching, proper warm-up and cool-down, and strength training- which are already a part of my routines, but I made sure to be really on top of it.

I gave myself over 3 months for training. To factor in travel, getting sick, and my periods being a pain. (plus sometimes I can be a little lazy)

I introduced an extra mile each week and did a long(er) run twice per week. For each week- I aimed for 2 long(er) runs, 2 short runs with strength training, a day of yoga, and 2 rest days. Of course this didn’t always happen.

I was told that I just needed to get to 9 miles for training- but I wanted to know what my asthma and T1D would do with 13.1.

Side note- I aim to workout in the morning. Less factors with the diabetes plus I lose all motivation after the AM.

Oh- and what is my motivation? Beer and food. I literally have tanks that say that. I’ve gotten asked what my motivation is and how do I get out of bed to workout- sometimes I don’t. I press snooze and go “nah” another day. I know the overall benefits for my health and mental health, but again for me- it’s all about craft beer and food. I also really enjoy watching the sun rise over Boston- specifically the Esplanade- so that’s helpful.

During my training and specific distance- this is what I learned.

  • I need to use my inhaler 30 minutes before I start my run, right before, 1 hour in, and 2 hours in.
  • I eat breakfast like usual.
  • During my walking warm-up I go to 70% of my basal.
  • Once I start running I go to 30% of my basal.
  • 10 minutes into my run, I go to 0%, BUT
  • I time my basal to my pace and distance. If I am running over 6 miles- I make sure that my basal goes back to normal around mile 5 and 1/2. Because without fail no matter what I do, I would spike from miles 6-9 (sometimes I might even give insulin based off of my blood sugar).
  • After mile 2, I start to sprint every mile because it uses different muscles so it helps with lows. I only do this if I am doing over 4 miles.
  • Around mile 4, I take an energy gel shot so I don’t go low.
  • Now you might ask- why do that and sprint and then change the basal- for me- I’ll go low if I don’t do something and then still go high. So I need to do both.
  • Around mile 9, I change my basal again to 70%. Depending on where I am, I might do a little bit less.
  • At mile 10, I usually have another energy gel shot.
  • After the run, I cut off my basals for 30 minutes.
  • For the rest of the day, I have my basals around 80%.

For yoga- my basal is around 30% the entire time. For strength training- I usually follow it with a short run so I don’t do anything because for me they balance each other out.

Other “side notes”

  • I did contact my endo when I couldn’t figure something out.
  • This is the main reason I like the CGM.

Day of the race I learned:

  • Have a kick ass running playlist.🙂
  • Chaffing is rough- praise vaseline- (not just the chub rub life- but also for any place that might rub together- like my arms).
  • Running fanny packs and or other tools are your friend.
  • Dress up if that is how the race is.
  • Treat yourself afterwards🙂
  • Moisturize your feet!!!!! My poor feet…
  • Sunscreen is your cool and good for your health.
  • The adrenaline helps with the blood sugars (for once). I stayed around the low 200s the entire race.
  • I only had about 24 carbs and barely changed my basal- which I attribute to the adrenaline.
  • Make sure you do your usual foods and plans.
  • Know that how trained will of course help, but keep in mind it won’t go just like you trained so be ready.
  • You’ll actually learn that you are serious runner if you thought you weren’t.
  • Get plenty of sleep.
  • Have less factors to impact your BG- start this 24 hours before. (So I opted to not go visit a local brewery the day before- especially because my BG’s had been rough the night before)



So then I got a thing- a medal because I’m a “Champion with Diabetes”










Shout out to Stephen for sending me this and for Kim recommending me for it.❤ It actually meant a lot to be thought of- especially because I don’t exactly identify as an athlete. (This post and shout-out- LONG over due)


I am so happy that I finally got to do a Disney race- here’s to more 1/2 marathons and maybe even a full one some day. The best part for me wasn’t finishing or the training or that my body actually cooperated. The best part was that I felt so accomplished that I made this happen- just me (not including help I got in figuring things out). I felt accomplished because it was something for me to be proud of that was a very personal thing- especially because I had wanted to do a Disney Race for SO long, and something always came up that was out of my control. I definitely live by the notion you should never get up and (try) to not let anything stop you- but that doesn’t mean you might not need or have to figure out a different plan or hold off for a bit- that’s not giving up or letting something stop- that’s being realistic and flexible. Goals don’t have to change (sometimes they do which is fine), but the process should and always will be up for discussion.


Another Journey Begins- Diabetes and PCOS

Disclaimer- again- I am not a medical professional and this is not advice. Also- I did try to be as respectful as possible even with my blood boiling. There are some amazing healthcare providers out there- and kickass women with or without diabetes that are amazing moms (some diabadass moms too) or who want to get pregnant. But remember there are also some not so great providers and not everyone can have kids and not everyone wants kids.

If you’ve seen any of my posts on facebook or twitter, you’ll have seen my “rants” about what’s been going on recently in terms of my health- I’m just a big bag of fun…. Getting ready for a long ranting post-

But when I posted on facebook- I saw so many me too’s- but finding these me too’s on the general internet has not been as fruitful in my searching attempts. 


I started having some awesome problems with my period….  Again……… I went into the doctor hoping for a “stronger” script to help with this. I’ve been exhausted and my BGs have been everywhere, etc. Then hello- period is two weeks early- and it’s still happening as we speak…



Well then after a work-up and everything- the doctor goes- well I’m pretty sure it’s PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome).


Then she calls me later that day (as many of us know- same day calls often raise anxiety levels)- and she tells me- my thyroid is off too, but she’s pretty certain it’s both (something with my thyroid and PCOS) based off my symptoms and initial blood work. I need to get to the appropriate doctors ASAP.


Let’s back-up- I DON’T HAVE AN ENDO RIGHT NOW basically. I’m switching again (the newest endo I found, left….) and haven’t even had an appointment yet. But I contacted her- and she’s been awesome. She looked at my initial blood work-


So it’s either thyroiditis again or sub-clinical hyperthyroidism. For right now- we’ll be doing check-in’s to make sure I’m feeling okay- and then go in for my appointment in a few weeks to figure out exact next steps. So I don’t have to have another appointment. But in the mean time…. I’m supposed to run higher…

Let’s take a second to pull this all together- my period makes anxiety levels higher and so does running higher- so this will be a great combo for my mental health.

So that’s when the all of the questions and worries start really hitting- and the planning part of me that kicks into gear because I’d rather not deal with emotions right then.

Cool beans….


A little background- My period has not been my friend since day one…. Before birth control…. It was awful. And I had to fight to get on BC…. They didn’t want me on it.

Then they didn’t even do tests that they should have… And you know what got them to at least put me on BC… the diabetes… of course.. at least it worked, but why is the only justifiable thing diabetes?? Why can’t it be that something just isn’t right…

Then I had a doctor bring up that it could be other things in college when I went off of BC because I was sick because of the thyroiditis and something was definitely off- thinking maybe it was that. But she said nothing was conclusive. I then eventually went back on BC and let it be/ignored it.

This reminds- of my old endo who told me “I was a stressed out female” which was why he wouldn’t okay scripts….. and that was a quick exit too finding a decent endo in ATL before I moved and getting an amazing professor to help me navigate what was going on. But you know what, doc?- you were wrong.  I will be writing you a letter and sending info about my blood work to tell you so. Because that’s how I roll.


So fast forward to now.

I often go back and forth between-

“My body hates me” and “dang- my body deals with a lot and still functions (for the most part) and look what it can do.”

Right now- I’m leaning towards- “my body hates me.” I’m also leaning towards- as usual- that I am not a fan of the healthcare system- and I feel like a lot of people look at me and the only focus is on the diabetes and that I should have kids…


I spent time googling and researching- I found some general information about PCOS- but most of the “treatments” are very focused about being able to get pregnant- which is important for some people- but like I’ve shared- it’s not for me. We’re all so different…


I then go and google diabetes and PCOS…. Well most of the info is type 2 related (but honestly- to me that’s to be expected- because most people with diabetes have type 2).


But even then- there wasn’t a lot that felt useful for me or helpful… Most of the posts were outdated and only from the medical side. I googled it in various ways. Nothing really popped up or changed- I did find out that having diabetes makes PCOS more likely…..


Um…. Where was that information?????? No one really ever told me that…. Was 13 year old me supposed to be an expert about that stuff by then? And advocate for myself even more so? With the not so great sex education in school happening to top it all off….?


I haven’t really found patient voices about this either… and a book for women with diabetes… It only has a few paragraphs about periods in general with pages about pregnancy and nothing about PCOS.

Yet the CDN website at least mentions it, and thank goodness I found that- because that’s how I found more information- but I would like more.

But I’m grateful for the DOC- because some specific people and organizations have been great and came to my side immediately- such as everyone at my job, specific friends, and people at DiabetesSisters.


But really- this irritates me- this goes along with the whole idea that it is every woman’s job to have children- this focus on pregnancy and being able to get pregnant reminds me of that… but not everyone wants to have children (or can), some people are not ready yet, and what about health in general?

So regardless of the situation… comments related to that are really not okay in my book- it’s not your business and having children is not my only job in the world. 


And the fact that my body seems like it is pretty much a hostile environment- it does add to my reasons for not wanting children… Plus gender norms and social constructs are something I’m not a fan of anyways. But it just really hits me what the focus is and what it’s important and how these ideals spill into healthcare. I think my quality of life and health is what matters above all- right? But I should be miserable so that I can have children like “I’m supposed to” even though PCOS impacts fertility…


But what a shock- something related to women’s health that people aren’t really talking about or wanting to talk about or adding stigma to…. And something else I have to dig through and be my own advocate for to find out about. My frustration is through the roof… Oh- and I kind of think “hmmmm” to myself about what the recommended age for any kind of surgery related to this… It’s 40- seems pretty tied to having kids to me.

Periods are taboo and pain associated with it isn’t “that bad”– anything impacting pregnancy is surrounded by shame- and diabetes is taboo- put it all together and you get the nonsense going on.

I had to “use” the “diabetes card” to get an appointment asap because I’m miserable. I then had to use it to get my follow-up appointment. Which again frustrates me… that diabetes has to be what gets things going-there are other aspects to my health..

I’m irritated with the lack of information that is helpful for a young adult with other health conditions who probably doesn’t want to have kids… We don’t all fit in your molds…

At my appointments for just about anything- I get looks of pity and confusion when I say I do not want children- but I get a look of indifference when I say how much my periods screws up all aspects of my health. 

I’m really over “experimenting” with finding things that work… which I know is what this will be… My guess- I’ll be shopping for the right healthcare provider for me because I don’t want someone who’s going to focus on being able to get pregnant. I want someone who is open to other options- because here’s the thing- I’m basically done with having my period- the goal is to not have one- and it’s not medically necessary to plus I’m miserable- but I can promise you that I also have other options on the table because I’ve had it with this not so lovely gift from mother nature. I’m a force to be reckoned with that won’t back down or be talked at. I will be active in my healthcare. It is my body- so it’s my choices (but of course some things I don’t have a choice).

I’m just- not having it right now. Stay tuned for updates- especially on twitter- @mindy_bartleson