#thelittlethings in Diabetes

So with everything that’s been going on- specifically Diabetes related- and now that things have calmed down….

I wanted to take a moment and appreciate the little things related to Diabetes- which I’m a huge fan of- and they add up!

So- Here’s to the little things (and maybe the not so little things). :)

  • When it’s pumpsite and CGM site change day… and you let yourself enjoy not being attached to anything for a few moments. AND if you’re like me, you get a shower or bath in too. I’m free as a bird now?
  • When you see a sign of Diabetes in the wild; a rogue test strip, an insulin pump, Diabetes stickers, etc.

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  • When you find a catchy song that relates to your current blood sugar– my personal favorites are “She’s so High” and “Low” (apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur).
  • When you check your blood sugar, and it’s in sync with your CGM.
  • Accessorizing, personalizing, and snazz-ing up your Diabetes swag and gear.
  • When you are on the phone with a supply company or pharmacy, and they acknolwedge that you are a person first and treat you that way. 
  • When you can text or call someone who gets it. 
  • Diabetes pick up lines. 
  • Finishing an insulin pen and it lines up perfectly with your last dosage.
  • When you “prick” your finger and the blood is the perfect amount for the test strip.
  • When the media actually gets it right. 
  • D-Hacks.
  • Knowing you got the carb count right when you guesstimate.
  • When you start your run in the lower 100’s and finish in the lower 100’s.
  • Treating yourself to a low snack that hits the spot. 
  • When your endo shows you how to “shuffle on ice and snow correctly.”
  • When your insulin pump actually goes with your outfit.
  • When Diabetes cooperates when you need it too.
  • The feeling after your blood sugars settle after a BG roller coaster.
  • When you look at your CGM and call it a BG Roller coaster. 
  • Saying “I’m high” in public and watching for reactions.
  • When you mention Diabetes and someone actually knows about it or has a real connection. 

It’s really all about the little things. :)

It’s Complicated: with My CGM, revisited.

I first went on a CGM in the age of glucowatch, and then gave it a VERY brief try my junior year of college. Quickly giving it up. Then about a year ago, I went on a CGM and kept going. As many know, this was an adventure for everyone involved.

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So, over the summer I wrote a post about having a CGM, “It’s Complicated: with my CGM.

and OH MY-I have come a long way! Some things that have changed:

  • Overall, I don’t check my blog sugar quite as much if I’m above target. AKA- not every 20 minutes on my meter and constantly looking at the CGM- Speaking of…
  • I got to a point where I could place my CGM in the other room. So if I’m running higher. I can put it in another room and ignore it until it’s time to check.
  • I enjoy personalizing the CGM. :)
  • My anxiety related to Diabetes and blood sugars is continuing to improve.
  • I enjoy being able to catch patterns and see what’s happening during the night.
  • It’s SO helpful for exercising.
  • I make sure to take a several day break between sites since  I leave it in for quite a long time.

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At one point I had gotten to over about 16 different basal rates (not including ratios or correction facts). I was told this was WAY to much. At one point my endo made a goal for me to not have as many. Well, it took me over a year, but I have gotten it down to 6. :) I struggle with wanting to add more or make changes all of the time.

 

I do have to say that the marks left from a CGM are the most “self-concious” I’ve felt about marks left behind by Diabetes. Well besides the brief stint in middle school where I was self-concious about the spots on my fingers- which quickly went away.

I’m still not a huge fan of having a second thing attached.

Using it in my leg wasn’t working once the weather got colder. I took a risk and put it in my stomach- my stomach reacted… I’m still on the hunt for a spot that works and stays.

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My A1c is still hanging around the same spots, and I still dislike the assumption regarding perfectionism with it.

and oh yeah- there was that several month stint of no CGM when I lost the receiver at the airpot…. oops?

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I will still not be doing share or sending anything to my iphone or pump any time soon. I do not feel ready for this. At all. I still need to work on the anxieties associated with it- I think it would be harder to not look at the data all the time.

I do think my relationship with my CGM is still complicated though. But a little less complicated? and I’m glad that I’m using different management tools at my disposal. I’m glad that someone convinced me to give it another shot. I’m glad that life gives you room to change your mind too.

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“Hello from the other side” an honest confession to all the healthcare providers of my past, present, and future.

Hello, it’s me. But do you know me?

I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet

To go over everything

They say that time’s supposed to heal ya- But I’m still struggling to work through my experiences with healthcare adding up.

There’s such a difference between us I know- I’m “just” a “patient” without the degree that is so valued, but this doesn’t mean I’m any less when I sit across from you.

And a million miles

Hello from the other side- from the person who lives my life every day and you might only see me 3-4 times per year or only once per year.

I must have called a thousand times

Hello from the outside- I know you don’t believe me

At least I can say that I’ve tried”- But I’m really trying.

“Hello from the other side” an honest confession with  honest questions I have.  Thanks Adele, “Hello” feels very applicable to this right now. The moment I started thinking about writing a “confession” letter, these lyrics have been stuck in my head. 

Spoiler- writing this blog post was what I needed after recent events and very healing. (Writing works wonders!) Also- it’s a long one! 

 

 

 

To the Healthcare Providers of my past, present, and future (Diabetes and non-Diabetes related)- in no-particular order or just one person- ranging from the positive to the negative experiences,

 

Hello, it’s me.

Do you even know my name? Or do you only know me by a file record/ID number or my A1C?

Are the only parts of my life that count, in that file? Only the Diabetes parts?

Do you know what my Diabetes and non-Diabetes related accomplishments are?

Do you really expect me to never have low blood sugars?

Do you expect me to live in a bubble? Where all of my days are EXACTLY the same and I never venture out?

Please tell me, do you live life like that? I understand routine to an extent.

 

Now to be honest:

I feel like you decide my value based off of my A1C or how many lows I have. I feel like the accomplishments I share with you about my Diabetes aren’t the ones that matter to you.

Usually all I see is the white coat, and I’m immediately on guard.

When you tell me to just get over something or have it fixed by now- when it’s related to anything- but especially my mental health- that will not do.

I will not let you talk at me. Healthcare is an active process and I’m the one who lives it every day.

If you ask me what happened at this specific day several weeks ago at a certain time, I will most likely not remember.

If I remember and it’s related to a food I thoroughly enjoyed- I will not apologize- I will tell you it was worth it. But I understand moderation, and I hope to figure out how to handle that situation with my Diabetes. Will you help me and not just berate me?

And sometimes- the appointments do not help. Often, I feel defeated after them.

During burnout I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with you. I also felt ashamed so I decided to cancel appointments instead.

 

 

Do you wonder why I never came back to your office?

Do you know I still remember you telling us to go home and nothing was wrong? Do you remember finally being convinced to check my blood sugar? Do you remember shouting the number for everyone to hear?

Do you remember when I sprained my ankle, you said it was because I had Type 1 Diabetes?

Do you remember that when I was having major problems with my period, you said it was because I had Type 1 Diabetes?

Do you know I still remember you said “I was killing myself” when you asked my A1C at an eye appointment?

Do you remember when you called me a crazy stressed out female, and that nothing was wrong with me?

Did you really need to make a big deal about my Diabetes management during one of the hardest years of my life? I recognize I wasn’t at my best.

Do you know that reading and hearing “she’s a hard stick” for the majority of my appointment was upsetting?

Do you know that reading “uncontrolled Type 1 Diabetic not meeting goals” on my check-out form stung? Especially when we didn’t make any changes or even talk about my goals.

Do you know I’m actually terrified of needles?

Do you know I despise the term brittle? Stop using that term.

Do you know that if you comment on your medical expertise or years of experience or your credentials- to prove a point or shut me down- I will come back with full force?

But, did you think or even know about how crappy my insurance was at one point?

 

Now, to be honest with you:

If I met with someone and talked about my relationship with nutrition and eating and they didn’t know I had T1D, I would fit the criteria for an eating disorder. Why don’t we talk about that more?

Yes I do forget- I forget to check my blood sugar or bring my pump site supplies so I have to go a little longer or go the d-hacks route. I even forget to give insulin sometimes. I try not to, but it happens.

I do not log my blog sugars. I don’t really know what would truly convince me to. Maybe someday? But I don’t want to lie and say I’ll try if I really won’t.

When I was a teenager, those logs you saw were filled out in the car ride there and after the most recent days, the data was made up.

Sometimes- especially during the holidays and when I’m very stressed- I tell myself to be content with blood sugars in the 200’s for a small period of time because if I’m aiming for perfection- it will be disappointing.

I don’t change my lancet or pen needled every time.

I have unrealistic fears of DKA.

When you warned me about Diabetes Burnout, I ignored you.

I wasn’t great at site rotations- as a kid I was too scared- and as a teen I favored spots- but I learned- and at the time- I was just told to be careful and try to get better at rotations.

Now that I have a CGM, I struggle to physically check my blood sugar more than 2-4 times per day.

I’m still not great at rotating where I check my blood sugar.

As a teenager I started skipping blood sugar checks while I was in school- sometimes just forgetting, but often- I flat out didn’t want to.

I’m glad that when you noticed, you didn’t call me out. We had a conversation about it, and it helped me to feel human.

Sometimes I hate Diabetes. I really truly hate Diabetes.

But there are also times where I appreciate Diabetes and feel the important influence it has had on my life.

A lot of the time, Diabetes really isn’t even on my mind or I’m indifferent about it.

I really want your help. But sometimes, I’m not even sure where to begin.

 

 

Do you know it was refreshing to be called out that I get anxious for endo appointments? And you wanted to know why?

Do you know I appreciated the fact when I asked to change and/or switch management tools you didn’t just say no and we talked about it?

Do you remember putting my Diabetes management in the background for the most part when my dad passed away?

Do you know that I am so glad you recommended Diabetes Camp?

Do you know, I’m glad you came and got me when bloodwork wasn’t going well? And you let me gather myself before officially starting the appointment?

Do you know I feel like you are the reason I got diagnosed with time to spare, because you have experience with Type 1’s and eye care?  And that this is why I stayed loyal to your practice besides the brief time because of finances?

Do you remember helping us create change in my school system? And being wonderful with school and healthcare?

Do you know, that I’m glad you told my parents to stop talking sometimes- even as a kid- so that I could speak up and ask questions? It helped me to become an active part of my healthcare.

Do you know, that I appreciate when you kicked my parents out of appointments? It made me feel that what I had to say mattered and that my experience was important.

Do you remember that time you let me cry in the office- and it really wasn’t even Diabetes related? I needed that safe space.

Do you know that you are still my inspiration to this day?

Do you know that when I come in- and you don’t focus on the Diabetes, that I appreciate that? Because it’s really not what I’m there for when I’m not going to the endo.

Do you know how much it meant to me that you researched mental health and diabetes along with its interaction with medications for ADHD- and what the Diabetes terms I mentioned meant- so that we wouldn’t spend time talking about just that during my appointment? That you helped to answer my questions. That you celebrated my Diabetes/Mental Health related accomplishments.

Do you know- that I appreciate that you set “less basal rates” for one of my goals because I went a little overboard with them when I got the CGM?

Do you know what it meant to me when you complimented some things or said what I was doing well or improving on? It’s a nice reminder. But then we got down to business to figure out things we could change or improve.

Now to be honest:

Change takes time. and. It’s not all at once.

I want to keep improving.

I upload my CGM every week to catch patterns.

I now keep track of my pump site and CGM rotations on a piece of paper.

I got up to about 17 different basal rates and over the course of a year got myself down to 8. I’m still working on it.

I do research and reach out for help.

I put in exactly enough insulin to get by for 3 days so I change my pumpsite.

I use POLI to help with my Diabetes related fears and anxieties.

I’m very passionate about mental health and Diabetes. I strive for self-care and self-love related to Diabetes. And also not just related to diabetes.

 

 

Do all of you know that the positive and negative experiences I’ve had, shaped me? Have shaped how I look at Diabetes management? Have shaped how I look at healthcare? That these experiences influence my healthcare decisions and healthcare provider decisions and interactions?

Did you know that these experiences impact my comments and sometimes even anger at healthcare? Did you know that these experiences are part of the reason “I do what I do” in terms of blogging, DOC involvement, and being so passionate about advocacy?

But did you know, I’m still learning? Did you know that I want guidance and help to for the better in terms of my health? Did you know that my overall goal is to have a positive, respectful, and equal relationship with my healthcare providers? And that I’ll keep looking until I find it.

You see, to be honest. I won’t settle. I won’t be passive. I won’t be quiet.

I promise and embrace that I’m most likely that “pain in the ass patient” the office talks about. But if being a pain in the ass patient means I want to have conversations and not be talked at; or try to make sure I talk about what is on my mind; and not allow myself to feel disrespected. I guess I am.

Because this is my health.

 

When it’s “too much” Diabetes…

I like to think I’m careful when it comes to Diabetes- I’m not talking about the management aspects- I’m talking about the balance in my life.

But- there are some days or even an entire week or weeks, where there’s “too much” Diabetes. Where it seems like a lot is going wrong, and there isn’t any room to take a lot out or move to later.

 

My blood sugar was high for about 24 hours with ketones earlier this week. Why- no idea- I even sent my pump data and CGM data to the nurse who spoke with me on the phone. I DON’T do or handle being high very well- let alone ketones- let alone for more than an hour or so. I was freaking out trying to problem solve. But- I did go an entire two hours without looking at my CGM or checking my blood sugars- instructions from the nurse on the phone when she saw my “checking blood sugar constantly when high- OCD related” note on my information. (So go me?)

 

Speaking of- it will be almost 5 months between endocrinologist appointments– which- I’m not a fan of- I like every three months- especially at this point in my life. 

But I’m still looking for the right endo- especially after my last experience…  

Plus…. My old health insurance- I got my first bill- and turns out they pretty much barely paid for anything…. At all… So no way was I going to add another appointment to the mix.

And trying to look for another endo- only the fellows accepted my old health insurance.

Because I’m a Diabetes Supplies hoarder by trade, I had enough to get by. I chose to wait.

 

And speaking of insurance- trying to switch was an absolute nightmare because of my old health insurance- I basically had to go out swinging with them to get the necessary forms. )Ignoring emails. Making comments on the phone/overall poor customer service. Not sending things they claimed to send and etc etc.) I’m so happy to take them out of my life (almost).

And all of this- within a period of a few days? to be honest, completely exhausting. I’m pretty over it. I’m tired because of the lack of sleep and the battles over the phone and the stress of it all. I’m just feeling done with this week- not burnout or anything- just done with what happened and my “grrr” mood I’ve been fighting to get out of.

 

I’m ready for my endo appointment next week- and I’m hoping for the best. Within in two years- this will be my 7th switch in care. I reached number 5 in GA, a year before I moved and finally found a care provider I liked (of course). So, I’m still on the hunt. I hope I’m done searching, but I won’t stop until I find someone I click with. Someone who I respect, but also respects me. Who will have a conversation with me. Who I can develop and grow a relationship with. Who I trust and feel comfortable with. Until then, I’ll keep searching.

Most of my life- the thing I dislike most about Diabetes? The rest of the world– which still holds pretty true.

But I saw two posts that resonated with me this week- and that made me feel grateful for the power of “me too.”

So- I’m currently sitting in a state of bitterness- but very ready for a weekend filled with self-care. Sometimes you need to let yourself feel- even the negative stuff. Ready for some serious alone time, crafting, music, and my favorite movies.

 

 

I’m a POLI girl in a not so POLI world.

I most DEFINITELY sang the “Barbie Girl” song when I wrote the title (not sure what the name of the song is). So… now it’s stuck in my head of course. 

I LOVE POLI. I’ve been promising this post for a long time, and here it is!!!! (finally).

This also needs a disclaimer- please remember I am NOT a medical professional. Please do not just make changes before talking with your Diabetes care team- I spent several years working with them until I really got the hang of this. I’m not saying to switch or what is right for you (because everyone is different and has different preferences). Please do not take this post as medical advice- I’m sharing my experiences based off of all of the questions I have gotten regarding POLI- Thanks! :)

What’s POLI? It stands for Pumper on Long Acting Insulin. AKA one of my favorite Diabetes Management Tools I use. Some might remember it as untethered (or still refer to it as that). But the more common term has become POLI- (which is more fun to hum to because you think of barbie girl).

So the basics first, right?

(Then I’ll get into the journey I’ve had with POLI).

POLI is using your insulin pump and using long acting insulin (yay for the name change- it explains itself a little better).

I opt to stay on my Tslim insulin pump while using lantus. (Disclosure- I take my lantus in the AM because I kept having lows at night- helps with my dawn phenomenon too).

Typically, the lantus covers about 70% of “basal” while the pump covers about 30% of “basal.” (something to keep in mind- if your pump isn’t still delivering a basal insulin, it can get “blocked.” So no 100% long acting and then only use for bolus- won’t work so well…). It’s also nice because I can tweak specific times with my basal rate which I cannot do when I take pump vacations. I started with a basal rate that is the same all day and then tweaked it over the following days as I figured it out. 

Reasons I love it?

I get a lot of confusion or people questioning why I would want to do this.

  • My body LOVES lantus pens, but it’s not a fan of short acting insulin pens (long story).
  • HELLO something to help with anxiety- I would always be nervous about pump sites failing- especially in the middle of the night- now even if that does happen, I am still getting background insulin- which helps with my fears of DKA. (But it does make it more difficult to detect pump sites that aren’t working well.
  • Summer anyone? Being disconnected, the heat, dresses, etc.
  • Since I’m already on long acting insulin, if a situation arises where I don’t need (or want) the pump for some reason, it’s now easier to switch.

 

The first time I tried POLI was at Diabetes Camp when I was about 14 or 15. We are disconnected from our pumps often because of water activities and pump sites also fall off because of water and sweat (and believe me, I am a SWEATY person). I tried it once there- the people talking about this at camp? Members of my pediatric diabetes care team! :)

About a year later, I was talking about band and theatre. Using my pump was difficult with those activities. I also didn’t want to have figure out my pump for theatre- where would I hide it? No way would I wear it in an era type show- insulin pumps don’t go far back into history- it’s not like we are in Doctor Who or anything yet. So the idea of my pump vibrating or going “tick tick” on stages was OUT of the question.

So my endo suggested I try POLI (known as untethered at the time) for band and theatre- so I could disconnect and not go high later.

Let’s just say… it worked wonderfully!!!! 

By this point, I didn’t spend a lot of time at the pool, and I wasn’t in sports anymore- but golly… I wish I had had that then- because no way was I wearing my pump playing soccer or basketball and forget taking it in the water…

My junior year of college, all of the sudden I decided I’m going POLI full time– this was during Diabetes Burnout, and I was trying to do things to spice up management or try and make things a little easier– My pump sites were failing all of the time (I do have to say that the pump companies and healthcare providers do have a point when they say rotate!!!) I was able to justify going on POLI with my healthcare team (plus I had just had a pump vacation so I had lantus anyways).

I haven’t looked back since, and I LOVE it. I don’t see myself changing this up- unless I take a pump vacation. 

 

A lot of healthcare providers and my insurance company are not a fan… I often have to fight or advocate for it.. Especially each time I switch providers. (which I’ve heard is common for people who want to try it- doctors don’t want them to even try it… that’s a shame..)

They both suggest- I pick something. Or ask why do both? What’s the point? 

I listed reasons above, but I immediately go “I have anxiety and Diabetes” soooo- it’s kind of nice that there is something I can do that benefits both- right? 

I do have an occasional healthcare provider who gets excited or wants to learn more because they haven’t had a lot of people who use both.

But overall, no one is super excited about it- so I have to advocate for myself. Remember, sometimes advocacy is “the little things.” (Check out my post about advocacy on the CDN Blog- talking about the big and the little things regarding advocacy, here.)

I haven’t been denied to continue this yet- but it’s after a lot of convincing. An example of why I like conversations with my healthcare team and don’t want to be talked at. I don’t just sit there and get talked at- and luckily I don’t allow it either. If they had it their way, I wouldn’t be on POLI- but I’m persistent and stubborn. 

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So there you have it- I’m a POLI girl in a not so POLI world, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. :)

 

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Wow 2015, here comes 2016!

To say that 2015 has been a year, doesn’t even begin to cover it. I mean, I graduated college and moved to Boston… And that’s just a slice of this year. 

I have kept up with my promise to make sure that each new year is even better than the last (of course there is some fluctuation, but that is life). College was definitely the best four years of my life (so far!)! But I don’t want the best to stop there. I want each year to be amazing- and so far the “real” world is turning out to be pretty amazing if I do say so myself.

So over the past few days, I’ve been thinking about this year- and just wow. What a year. If you had asked me a few years ago- if I saw myself here- I would have taken that as a challenge to prove you wrong because I had my entire life planned out. Overall, it has been great, and of course there were some not-so-great moments- happens right?

I’m pretty excited about the New Years Resolution I had set for 2015, and although I didn’t accomplish/stick with them 100%, I did make strides towards them.

I never really set resolutions before 2014, I didn’t completely understand them. In 2014, I decided to set resolutions, but try and be specific to things I wanted to work on or attempt. I also didn’t want to limit change to just resolutions, but chase change as opportunities came up. The only resolution I set that year was to not have the same thing at restaurants every time. I have a tendency to find something I like and never change it up. and you know what? It worked out! I have overall stuck with it- maybe not as strict with it anymore. Sometimes I get the same things, but a lot of the times I try to spice it up- (although my love of mac and cheese has definitely found its place in New England).

 

Last year’s resolutions

  • Be more honest in my writing- definite improvements, but I want to continue improving.
  • Get writing more into my schedule-definitely got better at writing on more of a regular basis, but I plan on trying to have an actual schedule.
  • Be more active with my self-care and be more proactive instead of just reactive.- I am SO proud of myself with how much better I got with this. I could go on forever about this, but long story short- I have improved so much. I’ll take ALL of the self-care please!
  • Become more comfortable with the unknown- I definitely still struggle with this, but starting at the beginning of senior year when  I decided I wasn’t going to law school right after graduation- this was when the work started. I have gotten a lot better- for the first time I don’t have my whole entire life planned out. I don’t plan every single moment- which is actually kind of nice. My goal is to get to a place where I don’t get too stressed about the unknown (I think a little bit of stress is healthy regarding this, but not to the degree that I was stressing).
  • Improve on keeping my room and car clean- at the worst- make sure to clean it up once per week. So, I struggle with this, of course. Luckily, I don’t have a car to keep up with anymore regarding that. My room definitely doesn’t get to such a disaster that it takes an entire weekend to find a floor again. It still gets messy, but I make sure that I clean it up at least once per week. I honestly feel done with this at this point, because I will never be that person with a spotless room and that is OKAY.
  • Believe in myself more- I started working on this at the beginning of senior year, and I still have a LONG ways to go. I’ve come a long way. I don’t surround myself with self-doubt all the time now, but still occasionally creeps up. I think this will be a lifelong process with me, but I’m excited to see where I take it this year.

This year’s resolutions. Now, I literally spend 5-10 minutes thinking about my new resolutions or keeping ones that I didn’t hit last year. I don’t want to be too intensive or make a list for myself that will in all honesty never happen and look disappointing at the end of the year. (New to this year? My first time having anything related to Diabetes- woah, what???) There are also resolutions that I keep to myself that I may or may not share at the end of 2016. They are personal for me.

(from last year)

  • Stick with Yoga- this flat out did not happen.
  • Send actual cards- I did improve on this, but I want to make sure I send cards not just at birthdays. I also want to not send belated cards.

New to this year:

  • Make a budget that works for me, and that I’ll actually use. I’m a big kid now, right?
  • Find an endocrinologist I like and have a connection with, with new insurance this will be SO much easier. (I see a future blog post?)
  • Stop hoarding Diabetes supplies to the extent that I have been for so many years- they take up too much space. This will also be easier with new insurance. (I see a future blog post?)
  • Overall stress less. Definitely easier to do now that I can take anxiety into account. It also helps that my life feels stable and has a regular schedule now. But- I have a ways to go.
  • Figure out the soundtrack to my life. It just seems like it would be fun to do?
  • FINALLY finish the t-shirt blanket I started almost 4 years ago… Does this need anymore explanation?
  • Binge-watching- I don’t want to be mindless about what I pick to watch (kind of ironic, I know). I’ve just randomly picked shows instead of tackling things on my list.

So, here’s to an amazing 2016. and 2015, thanks for the ride! 

So much for my workout this morning.

(because of time and low BG, this post has not been proof-read. Thanks for the understanding!)

 

So I told myself that my next blog post was going to be about POLI or something with a “yay” kind of vibe to it.

But then. This morning happened. I’m sitting here in the office with a juice box in hand, not very happy about the fact that I should be running right now. and as many of us know- low blood sugars and emotions- usually heighten situations and feelings such as anger and irritation.

 

Diabetes. I’m pissed.

Diabetes. I don’t like you right now.

Diabetes. Why?

 

So yesterday, I didn’t wake up in time to workout, but I didn’t have anything going on after work so my plan was to workout then. I’m 140 around 4PM, and I eat a banana with no bolus. By 5:15, I’m 80. I drink a juice and at that point I was pretty okay with not working out so I wasn’t too irritated then. By the time I got home, I was only 102 even after a juice and temp basal.

Something that I learned about my body, a long time ago? It likes to stay put. Getting it to move without over-correcting is a struggle. When I go low, my body wants to stay low- even if I abide by the 15 carbs/15 minute rule- and let’s be honest- I don’t because it really doesn’t work for me. If I’m chilling around 80/90 and have to walk to the train and then from the train to home, I temp basal and often pair it with a juice. But below 80? 30 carbs and I wait to feel better. I’m very lucky in that I feel my lows so my desire to abide by this rule is actually, to not abide by it.

In the middle of the night? All bets are off. I’m in full on survival mode and eating until I feel better (I skip the treat and wait and go to keep eating until I feel better). Over the years, I have gotten better at giving insulin if I consume well over 60 carbs and can see an up arrow- but I’ve had times where I barely give any at all or none and wake up in the 100’s.

But back to why Diabetes is irking me- as if I’m not scattered enough with the ADHD- this low is taking it to another level.

 

I went high last night and woke up- 360 with an up arrow on the CGM and 368 on the meter. I gave insulin. I utilized my correction factor and no more. I chugged some water. Went back to sleep.

I wake up at 200. I’m thinking whatever, I’m going for a run. I eat breakfast. I do my usual.

I do the same thing every single morning because I’m very sensitive to any changes in the AM- dawn phenomenon has been a huge factor in my mornings since getting diagnosed. After breakfast and my walk and everything- I’m still usually chilling anywhere from 140-190 which to me is perfect for a run.

And working out in the AM is a perfect way to combat this- if I wake up in time and go pull myself out of bed. Good to go. I have only a few factors to think about for my workout, and I can go. If I’m above 160, I skip the temp basal during my workout, and I turn it on afterwards for an hour. If I’m below 160, 75% for the workout and after. Works. Every time. My morning routine works every time.

Not this morning.

 

I get ready to leave. I look at my CGM. 156, within my usual range for mornings. I go on my way.

 

I don’t spend the entire time looking at my CGM on the train- I put it in my backpack or purse- out of sight out of mind is what I need for the anxiety.

 

I get to the office and change to go to the gym. I get on the treadmill, look at my CGM- 89 and a second later 82 with a down arrow… I eat some tabs and do a 0% temp basal for 15 minutes just for a jump start.

(On top of the BG this morning. Took me a while to get moving. Then the train had delays. So I had no spare time. I also don’t think I’ll be able to workout after work because I have an appointment. I’m going to call and see if they can push it back even just 20 minutes because it would give me just enough time to workout and get there. fingers crossed).

I wait 5 minutes for the next reading- if it’s stable, I’ll wait until I go up. If it is still going down, I’m calling it quits. My gut says by the time I get up and stable, I wouldn’t have time for a workout. 74 with a down arrow. Welp.

I’ve woken up high during the night before, and been able to workout the next morning no problem.

So here I am. I drank a juice. I’m still 83 (and yes… it’s been way past 15 minutes).

 

So Diabetes, I do not like you right now. I am irritated.

I do the same thing every single morning. and every morning I get the same results.

 

Not today.

 

and that…. that is Diabetes. You can literally do the same every day and because of one small factor like going high during the night or just because it feels like it, you can get a different result.