“Don’t get me wrong- I like kids, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want kids of my own.” At that moment, I watch the wide-eyed responses and jaws drop… I’m very used to the responses at this point- “You’ll change your mind.” “You don’t want kids because you have Diabetes, right?” “You can have kids even though you have Diabetes.” “Isn’t your body telling you to have kids?” “You’re supposed to have kids.”
Okay. Let me explain. Let me also put up my hands and say- wait, wait, wait- hear me out. Other people’s kids are great. Kids at camp are great too. But that’s where it ends for me. I wonder if some part of me that is “supposed” to think babies are adorable… is missing from my identity. Backtrack, I was never the child to pick out her kids’ names for the future or plan weddings or even play house very often. So this part of me isn’t really new. I’ve gone back and forth about adoption or foster care since high school, but starting my senior year of high school I started leaning towards no kids of my own at all- I’ll enjoy other people’s kids. Be the cool “aunt” or godmother or neighbor.
My main reason for not wanting kids of my own is simply that I’m not interested. There isn’t something in my core telling me to have children. It isn’t my responsibility to have children either. When I think about the future, I don’t see myself with children. Does that mean I’m selfish? I really don’t think so, but I’ve heard that statement a lot. Therefore, I’ll take the power of the word and say if following my heart, my needs, my wants, my plan, etc. (without hurting anyone) is selfish, then yes, yes I am.
Let me tell you though, my main reason for not wanting kids of my own is NOT because I have Type 1 Diabetes. People always bring it to the Diabetes… Which bugs me more than any of the other responses… I am very aware that we do not live in a world like we did when “Steel Magnolias” was the main point of reference. I do know it is very possible, and I know many Type 1 Mom’s who rock at it. But that’s not what I want right now. I do acknowledge that I could very easily change my mind, but every year I get more committed to the fact that I do not want kids of my own. A few years ago, I said probably not, and since then I have moved to a very firm, “no.”
I respect people’s decisions on what they want, including a family, so please respect mine. I respect mothers, all of them. But I really do not think motherhood is for me or in the cards.
As Amy Poehler says “‘Good for her! Not for me.’ That is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again. ‘Good for her! Not for me.” and I feel, that this applies here (and in many other situations).
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